Newzie

When he called for the third time that day, I suspected he might be "one of those." You know the type. He generously offers to not only father your children, but put them through college and retire with you to Maui - -and that's in the first five minutes of conversation.

I met "Newzie" after the Cubs game on Saturday. Having attended the game alone, I began to enjoy a post-game cocktail at one of my favorite haunts when I noticed him peering at me through the crowd.

Describe him? Well, if this were a police blotter, he'd be the epitome of "average:" average height, average weight, medium dark brown hair, brown eyes, late 40s.

Strangely enough, our conversation seemed to click with similar interests: baseball, travel, people-watching, etc. Newzie apparently had some friends in town from California but was ready and willing to ditch them and take me to dinner instead.

Pasta and a bottle of wine later, Newzie leaned over and kissed me. (He had already been silently smooching my hand and telling me how beautiful I was throughout dinner). It was a nice, polite kiss, nothing terribly aggressive so I enjoyed it although I hadn't yet decided where this date would lead...if anywhere.

After dinner, we enjoyed a few more drinks with Newzie getting tipsy and me, well, of course, I wasn't even buzzed because I have the alcohol tolerance of a Mardi Gras parade grand marshall. We landed at a nearby jazz club which, despite being almost empty, gave us the VIP super-secret back booth. Newzie ordered another bottle of wine.

Beer + wine + post-dinner cocktails + more wine = one horny bastard. What started out as nice, polite kisses quickly turned into an almost violent tonsilectomy with a few ass grabs thrown in for good measure. He was very interested in having sex with me and I think he would've started the proceedings right then and there had I not put the kybosh (sp?) on that.

Trying to bring the evening back to more secure footing, I backed out of the last kiss and tried to continue what had been interesting conversation. I learned that he'd been married for 10 years but was now divorced. How long since the divorce? About a year!

There it was, the answer to the question that had been itching the back of my psyche all night: why is he interested in spending so much time with me? Why not get the phone number and move on? That's the answer! He's not dating, he's auditioning replacements!

The liquor/truth serum kicked in and he admitted that after getting divorced, he dated a 22-year-old for a little while. Oh, did I mention that he's more than twice that age?!?!

Strange how the mind works sometimes, huh? It was just then that it occurred to me that I've been offered sex two times in the past 10 days!!! By two different men!!! On two different continents!! Yay for me!

Maybe it's because I haven't been in a relationship (read: sex) in two years, but I decided that Newzie had some redeeming qualities, particularly when sober. BUT...If you looked up the definition of "rebound," the dictionary would show his picture.

It's a minefield, I know. Newzie suggested joining me for a Cubs game soon. We'll see...