Newzie

When he called for the third time that day, I suspected he might be "one of those." You know the type. He generously offers to not only father your children, but put them through college and retire with you to Maui - -and that's in the first five minutes of conversation.

I met "Newzie" after the Cubs game on Saturday. Having attended the game alone, I began to enjoy a post-game cocktail at one of my favorite haunts when I noticed him peering at me through the crowd.

Describe him? Well, if this were a police blotter, he'd be the epitome of "average:" average height, average weight, medium dark brown hair, brown eyes, late 40s.

Strangely enough, our conversation seemed to click with similar interests: baseball, travel, people-watching, etc. Newzie apparently had some friends in town from California but was ready and willing to ditch them and take me to dinner instead.

Pasta and a bottle of wine later, Newzie leaned over and kissed me. (He had already been silently smooching my hand and telling me how beautiful I was throughout dinner). It was a nice, polite kiss, nothing terribly aggressive so I enjoyed it although I hadn't yet decided where this date would lead...if anywhere.

After dinner, we enjoyed a few more drinks with Newzie getting tipsy and me, well, of course, I wasn't even buzzed because I have the alcohol tolerance of a Mardi Gras parade grand marshall. We landed at a nearby jazz club which, despite being almost empty, gave us the VIP super-secret back booth. Newzie ordered another bottle of wine.

Beer + wine + post-dinner cocktails + more wine = one horny bastard. What started out as nice, polite kisses quickly turned into an almost violent tonsilectomy with a few ass grabs thrown in for good measure. He was very interested in having sex with me and I think he would've started the proceedings right then and there had I not put the kybosh (sp?) on that.

Trying to bring the evening back to more secure footing, I backed out of the last kiss and tried to continue what had been interesting conversation. I learned that he'd been married for 10 years but was now divorced. How long since the divorce? About a year!

There it was, the answer to the question that had been itching the back of my psyche all night: why is he interested in spending so much time with me? Why not get the phone number and move on? That's the answer! He's not dating, he's auditioning replacements!

The liquor/truth serum kicked in and he admitted that after getting divorced, he dated a 22-year-old for a little while. Oh, did I mention that he's more than twice that age?!?!

Strange how the mind works sometimes, huh? It was just then that it occurred to me that I've been offered sex two times in the past 10 days!!! By two different men!!! On two different continents!! Yay for me!

Maybe it's because I haven't been in a relationship (read: sex) in two years, but I decided that Newzie had some redeeming qualities, particularly when sober. BUT...If you looked up the definition of "rebound," the dictionary would show his picture.

It's a minefield, I know. Newzie suggested joining me for a Cubs game soon. We'll see...

Sangria, tapas and dinner at 10

BARCELONA, SPAIN- -
It's hard to know where to begin to describe my unfortunately short visit to Spain for my friend JT's wedding. Food, however, was an integral part of the festivities - so much so that I don't think I have the vocabulary to tell you how amazing it
was.

I must say, though, that when I think of all things Spanish, I think of sangria (but maybe that's because I'm an alchoholic!!) Anyway, it seems when you order a Coke or even water in Spain, you are lucky to get about six ounces - - maybe! But order sangria and you get a gallon jug with a slice of lemon and a straw! Gotta love Spain!

I do plan to tell you about the wedding, but first, the photos. The top three are examples of Antoni Gaudi's work (the middle being Sagrada Familia). He's one of Spain's most famous architects. The rest are scenes from La Rambla, a wide boulevard in central Barcelona full of shops, restaurants, hotels and markets.

But back to the food at the wedding reception...One of the first trays of hors d'oeuvres featured a tall martini glass filled with thick orange cream. The foot of the glass was submerged in a beach of black poppy seeds from which shards of fried tostadas stuck out. The idea was to grab a tostada and dip it into the cream, which turned out to be mango puree. Yum!!

Another tray contained martini glasses brimming with cloudy water in which floated several specks of spices. Hmmn?? Melon juice!

A third tray (of approximately 15 hot and cold appetizers) was loaded with miniature shot glasses that contained murky water with some unknown item in the bottom and a tiny spear in each glass. What is this mysterious food item??? Shots of mussels! Okay, I'm not a big fan of seafood, but that was pretty cool.

Also on the menu for appetizers was foie gras, salmon, lobster, anchovies and squid. No cheez-wiz here!

As for the wedding ceremony, it was pretty memorable, too. A bus whisked all of us to a small village about an hour outside of Barcelona. The church itself was a tiny stone building on a hill. The afternoon turned a bit warm so a friend of the bride gave to each woman a delicate paper fan - - how wonderfully Spanish!

At the mid-point of the ceremony (which was almost entirely in Spanish), a husband-and-wife duo sang what became the anthem of the day, "(Say that you love me) Before the Sun Goes Down." The woman's voice was accompanied by acoustic guitar and the almost tribal, hollow THUNK of a bongo echoing off the stone walls of the chapel. It was quite stirring.

Sitting down to dinner, I noticed that each place setting featured FOUR wine glasses! Gotta love weddings like that! Okay, one glass was for water, but still!

After dinner, we adjourned to the outdoors for dancing. A small dance floor was set among the pebbled patio. I was afraid to introduce my brand-new four-inch heels to tiny stones and my fears proved true during the first painful dance. In another stroke of wonderfully creative thinking, the bridal couple provided all of the women with various sizes of silver flip-flops for dancing!

Oh, did I mention that I was dancing with this French guy who was quite sure he was going home with me (to my hotel, not to Chicago)?? Unlike so many American guys who find a girl and stick to her like glue for the remainder of the evening, Frenchy danced with me, other girls and even the guys (not slow dancing!) but made it clear he was interested in the blond American.

Um, no I didn't sleep with him. But I did stay out until 7 am!!!