If I didn't already mention it, I'm a really good shopper. By that I mean, I'm often able to find really good deals. Case in point: I found 1,000 threadcount (!) sheets on a clearance sale on a website called Bluefly.com. Hell! I've never even HEARD of 1,000 threadcount! OOOH, the luxury! the softness!
Anyway, I bought two sets: one queen set for me and one king set for my 77-year-old mom (because I am such a good daughter and I think my mom deserves such luxury! and also, she's the only person I know with a king-sized bed). About my mom: she's old-school, widowed, married in the 1940s, very prim and proper, considers "crap" a swear word. My mom recently remodeled her bedroom, so I thought the new sheets would be perfect for the new look in her room.
I asked my mom if she's used the new sheets yet.
"Not yet," she said.
"Oh, you're waiting for a special occasion?" I asked semi-seriously.
"What would be a special occasion for sheets?" my mom asked in all seriousness, mulling over Christmas with a decorative bedspread.
"Umm..." Could I name names in front of my mom or would that be tacky?
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
um...what was the question again?
You know how you never come up with the appropriate response until the question is too far in the past?
Most of the men I'll meet from here on out will be divorced with children and the conversation will, no doubt, go something like this:
Me: "So, how many kids do you have?"
Him: "Two" (or three or whatever) And you?"
Me: "I don't have any."
Him: "Oh? Do you want to have kids?"
Me: "Can we have dinner first?"
If he doesn't laugh, it means, a) he left his sense of humor in the car or, b) he's freaked out at even the THOUGHT of having more kids or c) in his mind, he's jumped ahead to the MAKING kids part.
I'll let you know when/if I get to use this.
Most of the men I'll meet from here on out will be divorced with children and the conversation will, no doubt, go something like this:
Me: "So, how many kids do you have?"
Him: "Two" (or three or whatever) And you?"
Me: "I don't have any."
Him: "Oh? Do you want to have kids?"
Me: "Can we have dinner first?"
If he doesn't laugh, it means, a) he left his sense of humor in the car or, b) he's freaked out at even the THOUGHT of having more kids or c) in his mind, he's jumped ahead to the MAKING kids part.
I'll let you know when/if I get to use this.
Monday, October 03, 2005
No news is good news
Remember Teddy Bear? the Cubs employee with whom I had dinner not once but twice? (Sorry, but I had to write it with correct grammar to illustrate just how mismatched we were.)
I haven't heard anything from him and today is the day he drives back to Miami (where he lives WITH HIS PARENTS AT 43 YEARS OF AGE!!!!) He said that he prefers to drive at night, so he just stays up till about midnight or so and then takes off. Yeah, that's safe!
While they played in Houston, I left a voicemail message on his cell phone that went something like this, "Hi, it's xxxxx, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry things didn't work out with us, but I hope that doesn't mean we can't be friends. I know you've already got about a thousand friends in Chicago, but if you'd like one more, that would be great. If not, I guess I can understand that. Be safe driving home and have a good off-season. Bye."
You knew I'd HAVE to finish this, if not in person, at least on voicemail. And, actually, he was very interesting to talk to especially since he did almost ALL of the talking (including juicy stuff about his colleagues).
Of course, the only guy I've met in the last few years that has an interest in baseball and he turns out to be a Cro-Magnon. Are sports fans and educated men separate species or what?
I haven't heard anything from him and today is the day he drives back to Miami (where he lives WITH HIS PARENTS AT 43 YEARS OF AGE!!!!) He said that he prefers to drive at night, so he just stays up till about midnight or so and then takes off. Yeah, that's safe!
While they played in Houston, I left a voicemail message on his cell phone that went something like this, "Hi, it's xxxxx, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry things didn't work out with us, but I hope that doesn't mean we can't be friends. I know you've already got about a thousand friends in Chicago, but if you'd like one more, that would be great. If not, I guess I can understand that. Be safe driving home and have a good off-season. Bye."
You knew I'd HAVE to finish this, if not in person, at least on voicemail. And, actually, he was very interesting to talk to especially since he did almost ALL of the talking (including juicy stuff about his colleagues).
Of course, the only guy I've met in the last few years that has an interest in baseball and he turns out to be a Cro-Magnon. Are sports fans and educated men separate species or what?
A little light reading
My living room is illuminated by the lights of Wrigley Field although I know no game is being played there. The construction crews must be there, planning and scheduling the new bleacher seats that were finally approved.
For everyone else, it's fall. For me, it's the off-season. My plan for the next 190-odd days until Opening Day 2006 is to become a total baseball geek. Toward that end, I just bought the Cultural Encyclopedia of Baseball, an 888-page tome of baseball facts, figures and great stories. No, that was not a typo, it is almost 900 pages of minutae about my favorite sport.
Did you know that slugger Jose Canseco was voted to the All-Star team in 1990 despite HAVING NOT PLAYED AT ALL THAT YEAR DUE TO INJURY.
Another thing...when the Giants and the Dodgers moved out to the west coast in the 1950s, Major League Baseball instituted a rule that stated that in the event of a plane crash, the remaining teams would have to volunteer a player to make up for the missing team. MLB still have a version of this rules in the books somewhere. Just creeps me out thinking about it!
Okay, I'm a total dork.
One more....in the Venezuela winter leagues, the fans have been known to throw iguanas at the players! Maybe that's why our shitty centerfield Corey Patterson doesn't want to play winter ball!
How many more days till Spring Training?
For everyone else, it's fall. For me, it's the off-season. My plan for the next 190-odd days until Opening Day 2006 is to become a total baseball geek. Toward that end, I just bought the Cultural Encyclopedia of Baseball, an 888-page tome of baseball facts, figures and great stories. No, that was not a typo, it is almost 900 pages of minutae about my favorite sport.
Did you know that slugger Jose Canseco was voted to the All-Star team in 1990 despite HAVING NOT PLAYED AT ALL THAT YEAR DUE TO INJURY.
Another thing...when the Giants and the Dodgers moved out to the west coast in the 1950s, Major League Baseball instituted a rule that stated that in the event of a plane crash, the remaining teams would have to volunteer a player to make up for the missing team. MLB still have a version of this rules in the books somewhere. Just creeps me out thinking about it!
Okay, I'm a total dork.
One more....in the Venezuela winter leagues, the fans have been known to throw iguanas at the players! Maybe that's why our shitty centerfield Corey Patterson doesn't want to play winter ball!
How many more days till Spring Training?
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