Thursday, December 24, 2009

Ghosts of Christmas past???

It's really weird when you wake up immediate following a dream and remember it all clearly.

My mom and dad were in the kitchen and my mom was making coffee...or at least trying to. Not so strange, right? Except my dad's been dead for more than 20 years and here was his ghost standing next to my mom. He is the age he was when he died (67) and my mom is her current age (82).

I said that my mom was trying to make coffee because she has a 10-cup Mr. Coffee brewer where you pour water into the top of the machine, press a button and voila! coffee is brewed. Except my mom was getting confused (that happens more and more lately since she's past 80 years old) and she forgot where to pour the water. She was pouring it into the coffee carafe and spilling it on the hotplate.

My dad put his arm around her and kissed her as if to say, "It's okay, we still love you."

I don't usually have dreams about my dad and I don't know if this means anything but it scared me. Not the way I wanted to wake up on Christmas Eve morning.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

My two favorite Tiger Woods jokes

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stopped at three 'ho's'

- - - - - - - -

Did you hear that Tiger Woods is going to court to change his name from Tiger to Cheatah?


:-)))
I'll be here all night. Don't forget to tip your bartenders and waitresses!!

Friday, November 27, 2009

Home?

It's odd being home and not being at work. On one hand, it's great being in control of my time for a change. On the other hand, it's hard to decide what task to complete first.
So, of course, I took myself out to breakfast first.
Sitting at the IHOP drinking coffee and looking out the window at a cold and dreary Chicago day (and trying not to think of the hot sun that greets Sydneysiders at this time of year), I noticed a short apartment building a block or two away. What drew this building to my attention was not only the nice wooden trellis on the roof, but the flagpole next to it.
The rain and wind had wrapped the fabric around the pole until one moment when the wind shifted and the banner was released...an Australian flag!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Going back Up Over

SYDNEY, AU - - Finished packing and am waiting for the airport shuttle, once again bringing a close to my Australian holiday. As expected, depression is starting to set in. Mother Nature, however, is trying to push me on my way with a cool, overcast day. Thanks, mom!
Had a second long chat with Tour Guide last night. (VERY AFRAID of cell phone bill!) He wants to work and maybe live longterm in Canada. Doesn't know exactly where or what he will do for a living, but he wants to go there. Did I mention that he doesn't know anyone there, has never been there and knows almost nothing about the country?
I guess we all make uninformed decisions and then cling to them for dear life. Oh well, he'll learn...or maybe not. But it's not my problem.
Yep, he hasn't said anything about coming to visit me in Chicago and that's fine. Maybe we'll go back to being Facebook friends. Nothing more.
Again, that's fine.
Well, gotta get my luggage and meet the shuttle.

Sunday Night at the Observer Hotel

SYDNEY, AU - - And before you get all "oooh, dirty bits coming up," let me educate you a bit. In Australia, a hotel often is a tavern/pub that may or may not rent out rooms. The Observer Hotel was established in 1848 and I think they know what they're doing...or maybe not.
You know you're in for a special evening of entertainment when the singer/guitarist starts playing a song not because it's on his song list, but because the local guy in the corner started singing it. What song? "You Lost That Loving Feeling" by the Righteous Brothers. And yes, EVERYONE in the bar started singing along!
The next singalong was Frankie Valli's "You're Just too Good to be True."
Things got out of hand pretty quickly after that.
This being my second visit to the Observer in the past week, the bartender apparently recognized me asked me if I wanted a Toohey's New (beer). Refreshed with my cool beverage, I grabbed a seat in the corner of the bar where I could watch the proceedings in safety.
Did I mention that the singer put a piece of gum in his mouth between songs? I don't know if anyone else noticed that but I have NEVER seen a solo performer chew gum during songs.
I don't know if it was the gum or what, but our singer seemed to have a bit of trouble hitting the high notes during "Take on Me" by A-Ha. No worries! The crowd filled in for him.
There was a small TV on the wall near where the singer performed and during one of his songs, a few guy right in front looked up to see the New Zealand All Blacks rugby team doing its warm-ups. If you've never seen this event, you really should. Picture about 20 muscular blokes dressed all in black, beating their chests and chanting in a terribly menacing fashion. It's very primal and actually pretty scary and if I were their opponent, I'd be soiling my pants right now.
The singer looked up to watch, too.
Like I said, things were pretty loose at the Observer.
Just when things were getting somewhat mellow (he actually sang a few songs by Bread, if you know the band), he flew into "Faith" by George Michael. The crowd went bananas, jumping around and singing.
Do we have places like this in Chicago and if so, can someone please tell me where?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Aussie from the past

SYDNEY, AU - - Would anyone out there be surprised to hear that I got an email from Tour Guide about a month ago through Facebook? If you don't remember the situation, let me refresh: we stayed in touch after I left Australia via Skype, email, texts and the occasion phone call.
We seemed to get pretty close (if you consider being in daily contact getting close) and then he asked if I would ever consider leaving Chicago? This question was followed pretty quickly by the off-hand comment that he had recently gotten drunk and slept with a female friend of his!!!
Needless to say, we fell out of touch soon after that conversation. I even deleted his Facebook friendship.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. He emailed me to let me know that he had taken a job in Tasmania (another state in Australia, one that's an island south of the mainland) and would be moving from Darwin to 'Tassie' in October and I would be welcome to visit him while I'm in Australia.
I was curious as to why he contacted me, so I texted him while I was in Port Douglas a few days ago. We arranged to have a direct phone call and spoke for over 2 hours!
Apparently, our 'falling out of touch' was his way of running away from me because he felt like he might've been getting too close to me and we both knew the situation was impossible. Instead of discussing it and agreeing that nothing could come of our 'relationship,' he re-directed his desire for me to this other woman and in the process, lost both women.
He invited me to come to Tasmania this weekend (pretty much now, as I'm writing this on Friday afternoon). I was pretty sure it wasn't a good idea, but an ocean provides a pretty good buffer from trouble, so I checked on flights just for the hell of it.
The travel gods must have felt it wasn't a good idea either because the flights were CRAZY expensive!!! Tour Guide even offered to pay my way back to Australia if I flew down to Tassie, but the cost was really too much and the flight times didn't make for a good plan anyway.
So where does this leave us?
I'll keep you posted.

Fashionistas Down Under

SYDNEY, AU - - Okay, I'm not one of them. And BOY! did I feel out of place shopping along Crown Street in Surry Hills (suburb of Sydney). You know you're in trouble when you don't have nice enough clothes to wear to GO SHOPPING for nice clothes!
Actually, I headed this way (about a mile southeast of the central business district) to seek out a restaurant called Spice I Am, a lovely little storefront Thai place that Rachel Ray mentioned on one of her travel shows.
I've never seen so much leg on one street! Apparently, the spring fashion in Sydney is to wear (essentially) a bag that just barely covers the ass and then either ankle boots or gladiator sandals with it. Fortunately, most of the girls wearing this style look good in it, but I think they might look a bit better with a dress that shows off their figure a bit more. Okay, sue me, I'm old!
Yes, I did end up helping the Australian economy (that's doing just fine, thank you!) with several purchases from little boutique shops and a few vintage stores. I LOVE vintage jewelry and purses! I even bought a baseball cap that's angora and lambswool. Fabulous!!
And I DID find the restaurant so it's time for an early dinner!

Monday, November 09, 2009

You take your entertainment, I'll take mine.

PORT DOUGLAS, AU - - Every time I try to read a book on my balcony, one of those rainbow lorikeets screeches past & reminds me that nothing in print could be as captivating as the show Mother Nature has set in front of me. A flash of red, yellow and green. There goes another one, careening from one coconut palm to the next.
Golden palms, foxtail palms, lipstick palms and fan palms...my buddy Wolfgang (former owner of the apartment building where I'm staying) taught me the names of these beauties.
The breeze creates a swooshing melody that's so soothing but at the same time competes for my attention with the insistent roar of the not-too-distance waves at 4 mile beach.
Who needs a book?

File under 'So You Think You're All That'

PORT DOUGLAS, AU - - In an effort to get some sun on my shoulders and even out the 'farmer's tan' I got in Sydney, I put on a tube top and went to sit on my 2nd floor balcony (although they call it first floor here). Anyway, I stood up to get a better view of my beautiful surroundings and leaned over to cross my arms on the railing.

Two young guys were walking past on the sidewalk across the street and they both looked over at me and smiled. Do I smile back? Wave? Before I could decide, they were gone.

And then another guy was getting into a taxi in front of my building and he looked up at me...a few times.

Hmm??? What's this about?

Then it hit me. From their position, at ground level, they probably couldn't tell whether or not I was wearing a top!!

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Find the sun through the rain

PORT DOUGLAS, AU - - My tan development program will be postponed for one day, at least, as it is once again raining in PD. I've been here 5 days and it's rained for 2 of those day. (Of course, I've spent every MOMENT of the other three days on 4-mile beach, so I'm getting a bit brown).
The rain is funny here, though, as it seems more like a cleansing than anything else. It's a rainforest rain, very drenching but not in a freezing, angry, run-for-cover-type of way like at home. I don't mind at all getting caught in this rain.
This trip has been unusual for me, but I can't put my finger on how I feel about the differences in this year's excursion Down Under. I've always loved Port Douglas, but this year is definitely an out-of-sorts visit.
My friends sold the apartment complex where I'm staying, so I don't know anyone here except one of the housekeepers. My friends moved a few hours' drive away, so I don't really expect to see them at all. And there are a TON of families with small children in town this time (small, crying, fussing, interrupt-your-quiet-dinner little ankle-biters).
Did I mention it's rained a lot here this time???
There's even a chance I won't be able to go snorkeling on my birthday because of the high winds. Guess I never really appreciated the opportunities I've had in the past to spend my birthday on the Great Barrier Reef. I'm crossing my fingers that last year won't have been my last chance.
Okay MJ, enough bitching. I am determined to snap out of it and count my blessings that I can afford (???) to treat myself to what for many people would be a once-in-a-lifetime trip. (I've been here EIGHT TIMES!!! somebody slap me!)
Rain or no rain, screaming children or not...I WILL find the joy in this, possibly my last, trip to Australia.

Monday, November 02, 2009

Do you live here? Only if I can find my way home...

SYDNEY, AU - - I must look, or at least act, like an Aussie because I've been in Sydney for about 24 hours and I've been asked directions twice! Hmmn...

One discernable difference between me and a true Sydneysider is that they know their way around town. I was dropped off at my hotel yesterday morning, dropped off my bags and went walking around to re-acquaint myself with the city.

Several hours later, I decided to see if my room was ready yet (too early to check in at 9am). I walked south down Pitt Street from the Rocks neighborhood to a store that read '303 Pitt' across the front. Okay, my hotel's address is 300 Pitt, so I looked across the street for the entrance to the Metro Hotel.

It wasn't there.

It wasn't next door to 303 either. Or one or two store fronts down.

IT WAS ON THE NEXT BLOCK!!! (One point for Chicago's grid system of streets).

Tomorrow it's on to Port Douglas!

The bridge

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Hey there Australia, it's me again.

SYDNEY, AU - - I've decided that time moves at a different pace here. I've been in Sydney for less that 12 hours, but I feel like I've been away from home for a week (and I mean that in a good way). In the first hour, I got sunburn (yay! that's how I start a tan). Of course, it's only 3:30 in the afternoon, but I REALLY want to go to bed.


Getting off the plane here, I wondered what had changed in this, one of my favorite cities. Well, as different as it is from Chicago, Sydney always has seemed comfortably familiar to me (even the first time I was here). But like any other major metropolitan area, it's a living, breathing entity and change is inevitable.


Having dropped off my bags at my hotel, I trekked down to Milson's Point (???) and said my usual hello to the Sydney Harbor Bridge. The Opera House will have to wait since a humungous cruise ship had docked in my line of sight. I'll bid my welcome to the Opera House tomorrow.


My stomach growled and I decided to go to my usual haunt in the Rocks neighborhood. The Gumnut Cafe is this cute little eatery that features a tiny back courtyard where you can often spot brightly colored parakeets in search of spilled sugar. The 2-seat tables are actually ancient Singer sewing machines, complete with foot pedal! It's a lovely bit of calm in the midst of the hectic Sydney business district.


Not any more.


I walked up and found a rental store for bicycle tours of Sydney! I stood outside the door with my mouth agape and then my stomach rumbled again, so I moved on. My second choice of brekky locale was fine, but I felt cheated. Turns out, my little cafe only closed a few weeks ago!!!


I'm quite sure no one's moved the Opera House, so I can return to my sense of stability when I visit it tomorrow.


On Wednesday, I travel to Port Douglas. It's another return visit, but another change, too. My friends, Wolfgang and Christel, sold the Archipelago (the served apartment building where I've stayed for several years) but the new owners sound nice in emails and a surprise long-distance phone call.


Change is inevitable and often, very healthy. I'm preparing for some changes myself, so this trip will be good practice on learning how to roll with it. Wish me luck!

Monday, October 05, 2009

Mistakes revisited??

In the middle of the second circuit of my every-other-day workout, my cell phone rings. I stopped doing oblique twists and grab the phone off the charger in my kitchen. Hoping it's the person I've been trying to meet (work stuff, get your mind outta the gutter...for now), I breathe "hello."

The guy on the phone has a strong accent and the man with whom I've been trying to meet definitely does not. My mind is reeling.

He said his name, but I didn't hear it since I have competing audio output from my workout CD and also the TV. So I did what any smart and curious woman would do...I fake it.

"Oh, hi! How are you?" I'm waiting to get some kind of clue as to who this is and whether or not I want to continue this conversation.

Eventually it comes to me. It's a guy who works for the Cubs. The same guy (I'm embarrassed to say) that I got drunk and made out with in Denver. Apparently, I gave him my number.

The season ended yesterday and he's heading back home (Miami??) in a few days and wanted to know what I was doing tonight.

My memories of Denver came rushing back and I decided that I wasn't up for the booty call. I told him I have a cold (which I do, kind of) and planned to finish my workout, take a shower and go to bed...alone. He laughed at the 'alone' part and asked if I was sure.

I gotta give him credit for not waiting till midnight to call. It was only 7 o'clock.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Inspiration or perspiration?

With a much-needed day off after returning from my niece's wedding in the Washington, DC area, I treated myself to a movie.
"Julie and Julia," if you don't know, is two stories actually. One tale is about Julia Child, the lovely and funny chef that taught America how to cook French food. The other story is about a woman named Julie who decided to cook all 500+ recipes in the aforementioned chef's book and write a blog about the process.
Leaving the theatre, it dawned on me that it was almost dinner time and I wanted to cook something....with butter!!! And probably wine.
But first, my workout.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Denver 2009, okay, actually just Coors Field


Um...what??? Rockpile?? Since when is that a legitimate seating area??? In case you're wondering, it's the cheapseats that are directly above dead-center field. Apparently, they're sold day-of-game and can cost as little as $5!


While walking to Coors Field, I spotted a statue in front of the ballpark. Quick! Name a single Rockies player (current or former) that would merit a statue. Can't think of anyone? Me neither. Guess this is a statue of the 'everyman' player. Kinda lame, methinks.


Okay, this is kinda neat. On the centerfield concourse, the average joe could be (at least for half an inning), Joe Buck...or Pat Hughes...or the next Harry Caray! For a small fee, you can announce the Rockies game as it's being played. Not sure where the broadcast is heard or if it's recorded.



Less than a block from Coors Field are several bars and restaurants...in short, a pretty fun area to hang out. I'm guessing the owner is a transplanted Chicagoan. For the most part, I felt pretty welcomed by the Rockies fans (of course, that could be because my boys looked awful for much of the weekend and the Rockies, by comparison, looked fabulous!)


Aramis Ramirez congratulates Derrek Lee after he scored in Saturday's game. Too bad these two couldn't put together more offense as the Cubs dropped three of four games in Colorado.

Nice park, huh? Shitty beer, though. And the food service is practically self-serve as I counted five vendors between home plate and right field during one point during the game on Saturday. That's five IN TOTAL, not five just in my aisle. Oh, did I mention you can get SALAD at a stand on the concourse?


This is not Barney, the purple dinosaur. It's Dinger, the Rockies' mascot. What the hell a dinosaur has to do with Colorado I had to know. The woman sitting next to me on Sunday filled me in. "When they were digging the hole for the ballpark, they found dinosaur bones. They had to shut the whole thing down for a while because it became an excavation site." So now you know the rest of the story, as Paul Harvey would've said.

Although Ryan Dempster's pitching has been very good at times and mediocre at others, his batting has been consistently....um, how to put this kindly? Less-than-spectacular. I think Rockies pitcher (and former Cub) Jason Marquis knew this.

This is the view of the outfield from the centerfield concourse. Yep, I know, I could sit and watch the fountains in this best-EVER batter's eye too!

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Good cabbie/bad cabbie

In the interests of balancing the cabbie karma in the universe, please see the following story of a good man who happens to drive a taxicab.


http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-cab-pick-pocketaug06,0,1060293.story



I'd like to think there are more of this guy than the other, but I'm not sure.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Power to the People

When the taxi driver immediately backed down and offered to let me pay whatever I wanted, I knew that I was being cheated. And I wasn't going away quietly.

Here's how it went down.

Having just flown home from Arizona on a late flight, I was trying to stay awake on a chilly March evening. A guy stood about 25 feet down the road from me, also waiting for a taxi. Being a good traveler, I offered to let him share the ride (he was there first, after all).

So two strangers piled into the taxi van and headed east. After only a few blocks, my fellow traveler got out. I noticed the meter read $4.95 + 1.00 (for the extra passenger). The stranger handed the driver $5 and said his goodbyes.

Without re-setting the meter, the driver continued on and reached my destination a few miles down the road. Imagine my surprise when the driver asked me for the full fare.

"What about the $5 he gave you?" I asked.

The driver started to explain that since the other traveler and I didn't know each other, it wasn't a true shared ride.

"Excuse me?!!"

That's when he immediately offered to let me pay whatever I wanted. Something in me snapped and I knew I wasn't going to put up with another dishonest taxi driver. If Chicago gets the Olympics, I didn't want a-holes like this giving my city a bad reputation.

So I filed a complaint with the city.

After testifying over the phone (a truly stressful thing, lemme tell ya!), we WON! The taxi driver was fined $140 for attempting to overcharge me.

Justice!

Monday, June 15, 2009

We Believe

Since the 2009 version of the Chicago Cubs aren't exactly running away with the division, I decided it might be nice to re-live some of the excitement of the 2008 season. I bought a ticket to the premier of "We Believe," a documentary about the Cubs and the city's connection to the team and its fans.

First of all, Chicago looks great in this movie! Of course, the city always looks pretty in the summer (in my humble opinion), but there's something about seeing Wrigley Field at daybreak from a helicopter view that's really quite cool.

Several Cubs players were interviewed for the movie and it's always nice to see who has personality and who doesn't. Fortunately, the Chicago Cubs are never short of 'characters.' I'll have to buy the DVD when it comes out because I missed several minutes of the movie as the crowd went bezerk (sp?) when now-former-but-still-ridiculously-popular Cub Mark DeRosa was on screen.

Opening Day 2008 got a lot of screen time and it deserved it. The Cubs trailed 3-0 in the bottom of the ninth inning when brand-spanking-new Cub Kosuke Fukodome hit a three-run homer to send the game into extra innings. I attended the game and I thought Wrigley Field would explode from the noise!

In what has become all-too-common occurence, the Cubs lost in extra innings. The film showed the dejected fans filing out of the park, hanging their heads. One scene showed a sad Cubs fan sitting all alone after the game's end with a sign that read 'Expect Great in '08.'

"Oh my God! That's me!" I said to no one in particular at the Chicago Theatre.

And it was!

I'm not a fan who brings signs and banners to show allegiance, but on that day I did. I don't know why. But now I'm in a movie.

Who knew?

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Let's get this summer in gear already!

It's been a pretty slow summer so far. Slow in what way, you may ask??? Well...several ways.
The Cubs have been only so-so performers after having been picked in the pre-season to pretty much run away with the division. I've seen recent signs of life with their on-again, off-again offense so I can stay cautiously optimistic, as always.
I've decided that Mother Nature really has something against Chicago. Yes, I know our winters are beyond-belief shitty with record cold air temps and peel-your-skin-off wind, but come on!!! It's almost mid-June and we should be in mini skirts and shoulder-baring tank tops.
But NOOOOOO!!!!
I can count the jacket-free days on one hand! Convertibles like mine were built for speeding down Lake Shore Drive with the top down enjoying the sun on my face and the wind in my hair. But I can't even THINK about throwing the ragtop down with all the rain and chilly breezes we've suffered through.
On the 'social' scene, things have been...well, up and down (and not in THAT way, you dirty-minded but lovely friends!)
Redbird Fan never called. Or at least, he never stayed on the phone long enough for us to have a conversation. What's with that? Guys always say they need to know they have the 'green light.' Well, hell! I'll hold the door open for you, but I won't push you through it!
Then there was C Neighbor who kept telling me he had a crush on me. I wouldn't hear anything from him for weeks and then a random text asking me to come by and cuddle with him. Cuddle??? We have never been on a date! We don't even know each other's last names?!?!
A baseball-themed theatre production convinced me to go out solo a few weekends back. The show was interesting and so was the 6-foot-4 guy sitting next to me. Actually, we had already talked a bit while I was buying my ticket and he was picking up his free ducat (courtesy of a pal who was performing in the show).
We chatted during intermission and after a confusing ending of the play, we both decided to go for a drink and try to figure out what we just saw. It was a nice conversation, so I traded business cards with Sniper (his name for going out solo, as he often does, too). We made tentative plans to see the Cubs game that Thursday.
I didn't hear my cell phone ring late Wednesday afternoon, but I called back to the work number that Sniper left. He left the message that he couldn't get a sitter for his son, so he couldn't go to the game with me. It was almost 6pm when I called back, so I wasn't surprised to get his voicemail, but was surprised to not hear from him again.
At all.
My volleyball friends all think that perhaps Sniper wasn't as available as he made himself out to be.
Who are these social misfits and why do I keep meeting them?
The good news this season is I've been keeping up with my 30 Day Shred workouts (probably 3 times per week), so when I finally do get a chance to show off my bod, it will be ROCKING!!!
Oh, and I just place a Victoria's Secret order, so I am staying cautiously optimistic there, too!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

TMI....to the nth degree!

I confess...I belong to another website besides Blogspot. And I've got heaps of friends who belong to it, too. This can be a great way to keep in touch. Or it can be a nightmare.

Periodically, I'll check out my friends' 'pages' to see what's going on in their lives. Not often, but I do this sometimes when I'm bored at work.

So the other day, I went on a friends' page and see that he had taken one of the thousands of quizzes that are offered by this website. Not sure what purpose these quizzes serve, except as excellent time-killers. The website designers come up with several questions and when you answer them, you are labeled with one of their titles. Something like 'Marilyn Monroe' (if you take the quiz 'who were you in a former life?' for example).

Anyway, my 'friend' has emerged from his "what kind of lover are you?' quiz as (apparently) an amazing lover, 'one who always leaves the partner hungry for a second go-round.'

Normally, I'd give the test-taker a hard time about their quiz results. There is NO WAY I'm going to bring this up the next time I see this 'friend'. I don't even know if I'll be able to look him in the eye. Now....or ever!

Why???

Because he's my nephew!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Verrrryy interesting!

So I mailed my business card to Redbird Fan, not knowing if he'd even get it before the tradeshow here in Chicago (which starts today, by the way). He travels quite a bit, I think.

At 4:57 pm, my cell phone rings and I check the display: a 314 area code.

St. Louis!

'Hello?' I tried to sound friendly but not overly so.

A man's voice replies, "Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong number."

And hangs up!

So who's the bigger chickenshit, me or him? I hung up when his receptionist tried to put my call through and he (or his friend/coworker) hung up when I answered.

There is NO WAY IN HELL that the call wasn't from him.

The tradeshow ends on Thursday. We'll see...

Saturday, May 02, 2009

When all else fails, try the US Postal Service

Okay, so I stopped by the Merchandise Mart on my lunch hour the other day (where Redbird Fan's company has an office). I found the company, but the lights were turned off, no one home. Turns out, it's one of the many companies in the Mart that are only open during trade shows, not to the public.

The glass-enclosed space listed a St. Louis phone number, so I thought I could make a quick call and find out exactly when the Chicago location would be inhabited. The woman who answered told me that the company would be participating in a May 11-14 trade show (as Redbird Fan said). I mentioned that I had met one of her coworkers over the weekend and before I could finish, she had started to transfer me to him!!!!

I panicked and hung up.

Gimme a break! Just stop for a second and think of how that conversation would go, "hello, we met over the weekend. You don't know my name and didn't tell me what company you worked for or your phone number but I tracked you down..." Sounds pretty stalker-like, doesn't it? I didn't want to put this guy on the spot, so I chickened out.

On further review, I decided that maybe I could call back and be transferred directly to his voicemail. That way, he could decide whether or not to call me back and no one is pressured to make a split-second decision.

I'm not sure how this is possible for a company to have a St. Louis headquarters but be successful enough to also have not only a location in Chicago but one in the Merchandise Mart AND NOT HAVE VOICEMAIL!!

As a last-ditch effort, I placed my business card with "thanks for the beer. maybe I can return the favor when you're in town" on the back and mailed it to his company.

We'll see.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Best bumper sticker seen enroute to St. Louis

"I'm not speeding, I'm qualifying."

Fraternizing with the enemy

ST.LOUIS - -Having watched my Cubs lose two games to the rat-bastard Cardinals in Busch Stadium, I entered the park rather quietly on Sunday. The concourse was overflowing with red shirts, my Cubs blue a serious minority hue.
You ever find yourself having a random thought - - not apropo of anything? Well, while strolling to my upper deck seat, my mind drifted back to the guy who is responsible for my Cub fandom. The One That Got Away was a guy I dated in college. We attended a university approximately 2 hours from St. Louis and I actually accompanied him to this city when he had a job interview (for a job he didn't get). I've had no contact with The One in about 20 years, but at that moment I wondered if maybe he lived in St. Louis and horror of horrors!! maybe switched sides and became a Cardinals fan! I shook my head to dispel that crazy idea.
As far as I could see, I was the only Cubs fan in my section. Although I never really trash talk about the opponent, I could see that this was not the time to start.
Redbird Fan and his pal arrived late in the first inning, attired in the red shirts that must be a required uniform in Missouri. Redbird Fan sat to my immediate right in the close quarters of the upper deck.
There was something familiar about him, something that reminded me of The One. Same height, similiar build, same hair color, same age and...no ring (yes, I checked). He was definitely a Cardinals fan, but at one point admitted that he knew people that live near Wrigley and he's been to Chicago several times. In fact, his company has an office in the Merchandise Mart and he was coming to Chicago next week???
I don't remember how we got on the topic of cars, but he told me that he drives a 1967 Lincoln. The hair on the back of my neck bristled. The One drove an old Oldsmobile (another huge boat of a car).
About mid-game, I mentioned that I was driving home after the game and was trying to figure out how to get to the Martin Luther King bridge (one of several bridges that cross the Mississippi River into Illinois). I pulled out my G1 phone with lovely GPS and map features. He pulled out his glasses and we huddled together over the small screen to check out my travel options.
Redbird Fan and his friend left to get beer just as the Cubs started to take a lead. They didn't offer me a beer and I was okay with that since I had a 5-hour drive coming up. I cheered on my boys and tried to ignore the ensuing dirty looks from my section. The remainder of my beer tasted particularly sweet as I watched Chicago put up even more runs.
The Cardinals seemed to have the wind taken out of their sails and the fans near me became pretty quiet. Redbird Fan picked up my empty beer cup, turned to me and said "I haven't taken any yet," and poured about half of his fresh beer into my cup.
I thanked him and toasted to a good rivalry, secretly impressed with this show of gentlemanly generosity. The simple gesture somehow seemed very intimate. It was as if we had an assumed familiarity. Very much like some things The One did when we were together.
The Cubs were leading 10-3 as the ninth inning started, so the Cardinals fans lost the faith and started pouring out of the stadium, including Redbird Fan and his pal.
We were never introduced (although I did catch his first name) . He never asked for my name or my number, but I'm pretty sure his pal (who was married and expecting his first child), harrassed Redbird Fan all the way home for this oversight.
So many guys don't know how to 'close the deal' and Redbird Fan had this characteristic written all over him. Here's the question:
Do I stop at the Merchandise Mart and drop off my business card at his company's office with a note 'thanks for the beer. Go Cubs!' ????

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Spring! Smell the scent of pheremones in the air!

As it was FINALLY warm enough to attend a baseball game without shivering, I decided to watch my Cubs smash the visiting rat-bastard St. Louis Cardinals. Riding the elevator in my building, I ran into a young guy I'll call "C Neighbor." Apparently, he was meeting friends in the Wrigleyville neighborhood to watch an NBA playoffs basketball game. No baseball for him.

C Neighbor asked if I want to share a cab and when I tell him that I'm walking (such a beautiful day and all), he asks if he can walk with me. Sure!

Mind you, I've run into C Neighbor a few times either in the laundry room, lobby, elevator or sometimes at my favorite coffee shop down the street. We're not friends really, but not strangers either. Did I mention that we've never actually been introduced?

Anyway, we're walking to Wrigley Field (and people, he walks FASTER than I do!!!) and he lights a cigarette (strike 1), and starts telling me how he doesn't remember much of what happened last night after he drank so much (strike 2). He does remember spending about $200 for a bottle of Effen vodka (retail $40??) and he thinks he might have gotten thrown out of whatever bar they were in (strike 3).

Obviously, this is not a person I plan to spend a lot of time with. Nevertheless, our conversation continues and he's decided that I'm in my mid-30s (could I have underestimated him?) and he'd like to buy me a beer before I go into the game. Oh, and he introduced himself so we could actually call each other by name (geez, what a concept!)

He says he'd like to meet me for breakfast if I was planning to head to the corner cafe near our building. Asks if I go to church on Sundays. (geez! a guy who asks about church?) Said he'd like to go to church but hasn't found one for him (he's not Catholic, but he offered to accompany me some Sunday).

I met his friends at the bar. C Neighbor bought me a beer and tried to confirm the Sunday breakfast plans. I told him he could text me on Sunday and see what my plans were. (Fine! So I gave him my cell phone number, so what?!)

C Neighbor and pals take off to watch the NBA playoffs and I go into Wrigley and say Hello to my 'summer family.' Before the game starts, I get a text from C Neighbor asking if I'd like to meet for a drink later (if my evening plans end early). Told him I'd keep him posted.

Having just bought a pre-game beer from one of my favorite vendors, I turned around just in time to see Cub Man, a guy I dated about 7 years ago. He and a pal are sitting 2 rows in front of me! He stopped to give me a hug and later sent a beer vendor over with a second refreshment for me. Mid-game, we made tentative plans to stop for ONE BEER after the game (since both Cub Man's pal and I had separate evening plans). He asked if I still lived (over there, as he pointed in the direction of my high-rise building).

When the game went into extra innings, Cub Man and pal took off. (Of course I was staying till the end!) Cub Man gave me another hug and said I looked great. I said it was nice to see him (it was, actually, since I didn't run into him at any games last year and that's unusual).

After my Cubs pulled off the 11th-inning victory, I ran home to get cleaned up for a black-tie optional charity event for which I had bought a last-minute ticket.

Black formal gown, spiderweb-designed hose and a messy pile of blond curls atop my head, I thought it was a pretty good effort for short notice as I jumped into a cab only 45 minutes late for the start of this casino night/silent auction.

Fifties Frank started off nice enough, complimenting me on my dress??. Wait, no, he said I had a great body (or something to that effect). We discussed the auction for a little while and in just a few minutes, I knew ENTIRELY too much about his family, their struggles with weight (he wasn't fat, but not thin either) and where he fit in the birth order of his large family (youngest of nine, strange coincidence, huh?), and his recent occupational roller-coaster.

What started out as innocent conversation became a sticky trap and since I had no wingman, there was no one to pull me out. When the inevitable request for a phone number came, I had to sink to an excuse of bad timing (implying that I wasn't available to date). He was nice about it, but nevertheless, I took the opportunity to end the evening.

On the taxi ride home, I assessed the day's activities...beer (and potential breakfast) with C Neighbor, another beer (and cancelled third one) with Cub Man and charity auction smalltalk with Fifties Frank (so named for the horned-rimmed glasses and military-short hair).

Not a bad warm up for Summer 2009, right?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

New baseball on the horizon

The envelope arrived and I was sooo excited to open it. On a whim, I ordered tickets for an August baseball series between my Chicago Cubs and the Colorado Rockies...not down the street at Wrigley Field, but in Denver! I got airfare at a decent price and found a GREAT price at a very nice hotel in "LoDo" (which is what they call downtown Denver).
Never been to Denver, much less to Coors Field, but I hear they're both pretty nice. The upcoming trip made me think of all the ballparks I've been to...

  • New York Yankees - (old) Yankee Stadium (not nearly as big as its reputation and its history)
  • New York Mets - (old) Shea Stadium
  • Boston Red Sox - Fenway Park (a dump that makes Wrigley look like new construction even though Fenway as built in 1912 and Wrigley Field in 1914).
  • Baltimore Orioles - Camden Yards (great ballpark that could've been the home of the Chicago White Sox if the cheap-bastard owner would've paid the architects what they deserved!)
  • Atlanta Braves - (old) Fulton County Stadium (okay, it was for the Olympic baseball games in 1996, does that count?)
  • Pittsburgh Pirates - PNC Park (supposedly one of the nicest of the new ballparks, but a Pittsburgh native told me it's the same as Cincinnati's park, just different colored bricks)
  • Cincinnati Reds - Great American Ballpark (nice old-fashioned new ballpark right on the riverfront)
  • Toronto Blue Jays - The Rogers Centre, formerly the Sky Dome (Strange place that was sooo state-of-the-art way back in 1989!)
  • Washington Nationals - (old) RFK Stadium (shitty football stadium that played a poor host to a newly reborn baseball team)
  • Washington Nationals - (new) Nationals Park (where Cubs centerfielder Reed "Gumby" Johnson made an AMAZING diving catch last year!)
  • Florida Marlins - Pro Player Stadium (another shitty football stadium that begrudgingly hosted baseball...and didn't look happy about it)
  • St.Louis Cardinals - (old) Busch Stadium
  • St. Louis Cardinals (new) Busch Stadium (actually not a bad place to watch baseball; has a cool cut-out centerfield where the Arch is front and center; upper deck railing is only about 2 1/2 feet high...someone's gonna take a dive off that, you just watch!)
  • Chicago Cubs - Wrigley Field (best place to watch baseball...EVER!)
  • Chicago White Sox - (old) Comiskey Park (had a working shower in the centerfield bleachers!)
  • Chicago White Sox (new) U.S. Cellular Field (nicknamed The Cell, probably because so many people end up in jail during the ballgames there...kicked out for fighting.)
  • Milwaukee Brewers - (old) County Stadium (practically CREATED the sporting tradition of the pre-game tailgate party)
  • Milwaukee Brewers - (new) Miller Park (nice park, but you can stand on the concourse and not even hear the action on the field...weird!)
And NONE of those places were as cold as Wrigley Field was yesterday as I sat with a friend and watched my boys shutout the Rockies, 4-0, to open the 2009 home season in Chicago. Yay Cubs!!! Gametime temperature was 39 degrees F with a cold mist blowing in on an easterly wind that notched 25 miles per hour.
Brutal!

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Mini brow

Use your imagination a little bit, but you can't tell me that this remnant of my recent surgery (scar left over from 'belly cam') doesn't look like...





...this!


add a little mascara and eyeliner and you're there!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

14 days till Cubs Home Opener

Poor Harry Caray! It's just two weeks till he's front and center of the Cubs Home Opener 2009, but today he's freezing in the cold of a spring snowstorm.


Before I can start thinking of baseball in earnest, I guess I could do like these guys are doing and make the best of the March snow. But can I get anyone to pull me UP the hill?


Okay, these guys are just nuts, but I think that's a prerequisite for smelt fishing. If the lake isn't frozen over, these guys (and many more like them) are out there day and night! Crazy!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

"If you'd rather give up than fight, then nothing will really be worth it."

Five bucks if anyone can name the movie that line is from.

GalPal and I were BFF throughout high school and college, even standing up in each other's weddings. Not too long after her second wedding (don't ask) and my first, I was chatting with her mother about random stuff. I had stopped by BFF's parent's house to return the crinoline slip that I had borrowed to wear under my own wedding gown (something borrowed, something blue). Having such a long friendship, BFF and I knew each other's families pretty well.

A few weeks go by and I'm opening mail that arrived while I was out of the country on vacation with my husband. It's a letter from BFF. Strange to get a letter from her since she lived only a mile or two away.

In short, BFF decided that we were no longer friends. Apparently, she heard second- or third- hand that I had said something about her second husband not being good enough for her. My mouth dropped open. I know I never said that because I don't remember even thinking that. In fact, her second husband was a distant relative of mine and I'd never even met him until he starting dating BFF. I didn't know enough about him in his pre-BFF days to have much of an opinion at all.

I tried to figure out how this all started and I can't imagine who would've told her such a thing. But we'd been friends for over 10 years at this point so I was sure we could talk about it, clear it up and we'd probably laugh about it in years to come.

No phone call.

Ever.

So just like that, I've lost a friend. I've lost my best friend - someone I could tell anything to. Someone who would laugh so long and so hard with me that we ran out of breath at the exact same time and then started laughing all over again. The first person you call when something fantastic...or horrible...or funny happens. That person.

Executed without so much as a trial.

Years have passed and she's crept into my mind occasionally, wondering how many kids they have (since she's wanted to have a baby ever since we met in high school). I've even come across her name on the internet.

But I've made no effort to contact her. If she had put one-tenth of the value on our friendship that I did, she wouldn't have abandoned our friendship without a fight.

Oh, the line is from "The Wedding Date." Good movie, if only for the music.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Hello Goodbye Window

I need to preface this by saying that I'm not in love, haven't been in a long time. I haven't been crushed by some random fella either.This is just the observation that resulted from some recent conversation with someone I thought I could trust.

It was the name of a children's book, one of the many I re-shelved tonight on my volunteer night of service. It made me think of all the things we thought we knew when we were young...and stupid.

With age comes wisdom, right?

When you are hungry, you eat. When you are tired, you sleep. When you have to go pee, you go pee. Basic bodily functions that we all understand.

Is sex just a basic bodily function? Just a way to relieve stress, anger, frustration or whatever ails a person at that moment? Nothing more?

Throughout my life, I've met guys who seem to categorize sex as a basic bodily function. No emotional attachment, no intimacy (or as little as you can get away with until she's naked), much less committment. Just something to do for fun and function. Just remember to wear a rubber!

Granted, there are women who feel this way about sex, too. Call me naive, but I think most of them make a ton of money off their attitude. This reminds me of a saying I once heard, maybe you're familiar with it: 'Men give love to get sex. Women give sex to get love.'

I met so many men with the sex-for-fun attitude that they all started to blend into one another, like zebras in a pack. You'd think by now I'd be able to spot one a mile away.

Nope.

Spring? Yeah, right!

So I stopped into my local Subway to grab a quick lunch. I've been to this location several times recently because 1) it's close to my office and 2) I had coupons (yes, I'm all about saving $$ where I can.)

When I ordered red onions on my sandwich, the Subway worker said, 'not kissing anybody today?'

'Not today, not yesterday and no plans for tomorrow,' I answered without missing a beat.

How sad is that?

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Signs of spring in Chicago

You know spring has come to Chicago (finally!!!) when...

  • The neighborhood Lions Club (or Elks Club or Masons) have all-you-can-eat pancake breakfasts in the local schools.
  • Girl Scouts (and their mothers) set up card tables outside the usual Saturday errand locales, i.e. the bank, the dry cleaner, the grocery store, etc. Two boxes of Thin Mints are chilling nicely in my freezer. Yum!!
  • Baseball can be heard (on the radio, at least)! And pools are aplenty for March Madness college basketball.
  • Random strangers will compliment me. The other day while at lunch at Subway, a complete stranger stopped on his way out the door and said, "I just couldn't leave without telling you that you are beautiful."
  • Women under 30 years old will see the thermometer creep above 40 degrees F and immediately whip out the flip flops, tank tops and short skirts.

Monday, March 09, 2009

How many days till Opening Day???

Micah Hoffpauir takes a huge cut in front of a hot & sweaty crowd in Mesa during Chicago Cubs Spring Training 2009. It was 88 degrees F and a lovely blue sky.



In uniform, the players all tend to look alike (sort of), but this is Sam Fuld signing autographs after a game. Sam had a short call-up to the major leagues two years ago but true Cub fans will remember him for a great play in right field where he crashed into the ivy-covered wall, made the catch and then doubled the runner off first! Fabulous!



The team bursts out of the dugout and the game begins! Can summer be far behind? (Sorry for the thru-the-fence view).




First baseman Derrek Lee is 6-feet-5 inches tall. Aaron Miles, our newest infielder, is.....not.



Manager Lou Piniella (from left), first base coach Matt Sinatro, and bench coach Alan Trammel chill out during the early innings during a Spring Training game. General Manager Jim Hendry (first row behind the wall) is, as usual, on his cell phone, no doubt working on another trade.



Sam Fuld (again) in mid-bubble with one of our many new Cubs faces. So new that I'm not sure who it is?!!?


Outfielder Reed Johnson has been given the nickname "Gumby" because of his tremendous flexibility and athletic prowess. No one wants to stretch out with him. Who gave him that name? Okay, it was me.



Spring Training's a great time to get autographs, even if it's name from a household name. Someone once told me that you take a player's uniform number, subtract it from 100 and that's the percent chance he has of making the team...Well, it was nice of them to sign anyway.



The bright sun and the high blue Arizona sky make for perfect weather to warm up before the crowds arrive.




Early in Spring Training, it's not uncommon to see a lineup where you hardly recognize any players' names. Not today for the Cubs as Alfonso Soriano leads off a team with many familiar faces.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

More blood and guts

These photos could be considered just gross or totally interesting, depending on your point of view. Thought I'd be sick looking at my own guts, but found it terribly fascinating once I knew what was going on.


The massive blob on the right is the larger of the two fibroids that was removed in a six-hour surgery. According to the surgeon, who described it as a cantalope, the thing weighed almost one full pound (556 grams). You can see blood vessels all over it including the bulging artery? vein? at the bottom that's wrapped around it. If my doc had damaged that thing, say bye-bye to ever saying 'baby.' Scary shit, huh?


The Grand Canyon of stomach cavities where the evil fibroid blob once resided. Too big to stitch closed apparently, so they did the next best thing (see below).



This is the mesh stuff that the surgeon inserted to grow as a cover for the hole. How they were able to do all this garbage-out, repair materials in I'll never know. But they did and it's 10 days later and except for a ridiculously low energy level (for me, at least), I feel pretty good. My surgeon is a magician!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Favor granted

I've been so busy stressing about this fibroid surgery that I hadn't given any thought to a far more important drama that was taking place in Florida recently.
My mother, from whom I have been trying to hide my medical issues, has been in Florida since before Christmas, watching her only sister suffer from cancer.
Obviously, it's much easier to hide a situation from someone who has no geographical proximity to the situation. Hence, my mom hasn't a clue that I had surgery last week.
In a tiny little corner of my self-absorbed brain, I hoped that my aunt would hold on long enough that my mother wouldn't be flying home while I was still in the hospital. Can one person BE so self-centered? Apparently the answer is yes.
Surgery was Wednesday, I was home on Thursday and my aunt passed away on Friday morning. My mother is staying in Florida for a few more days and then flying home on Thursday. By then, I expect to be adequately recuperated to continue our tradition of Saturday morning breakfasts.
Thank you, Aunt D. We'll miss you.

Friday, February 06, 2009

If you're going to have a first surgery, might as well go BIG!

Pre-Op belly..


NOTE: IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH ABOUT BLOOD-AND-GUTS STORIES, DO NOT READ FURTHER.

As of one or two weeks ago, I was facing a minor surgery to remove six, count 'em SIX, fibroids. For those of you who haven't Googled this stuff, a fibroid is a non-cancerous growth that often grows inside women over 35. Sometimes they cause problems, sometimes not. They go away on their own when a woman starts menopause. Lovely, huh?

So, you can imagine my surprise when I woke up after a SIX-HOUR surgery that involved removing just two fibroids. No big deal, right? Two is better than six. When the surgeon used the word 'cantalope' to describe the size of one of the fibroids, that's when I really woke up!

Imagine a small football (15+ cm) lodged between a bunch of...let's call them 'girlie bits.' The issue, it seemed was not only the size of the growth, but the fact that wrapped around this offending blob was a crucial blood vessel and another pretty important ligament.

DaVinci robot to the rescue! This amazing bit of machinery helped my doctor to not only disconnect the vital artery without spraying blood all over the operating room, but also to chop up this blob into tiny bits that he could remove through a tiny incision. My doctor is a magician!

I wondered why I haven't been hungry in, oh, a month or two, but it seems this offending mass was pushing everything else out of its way. Ovaries smoooshed to the side, uterus squished to a tiny mass. It wasn't pretty. I saw some wonderfully graphic photos (which I hope to show here) that were taken by the surgeon during surgery. Cool stuff (if you don't puke looking at it) that showed how HUGE this fibroid was in comparison to the normal size of my uterus, liver, ovaries and other things you read about in eighth grade biology.

While trying to chop up this mass, the doctors were concerned they might not only nick the blood vessel but also might accidently disconnect my urethra (tube that allows pee to flow from the bladder outside the body). So, they did what any concientious doctor would do, they dyed my pee BLUE! You can imagine my surprise when I woke up and discovered Kool-Aid in my catheter.

My surgeon further explained that before they could even try to get to this huge growth, they had to blow me up, balloon-style, with a ton of gas to expand my inside and give them room to work. No big deal, except that my belly looks like a beer-swilling trucker's gut. Apparently, the gas also settles into strange spots like my shoulders and my neck so I really felt like I'd been run over by a truck. Weird. Guess I'll have to wait for the flat stomach that I was counting on.

Once the blob was gone, the surgeons realized that they couldn't just sew closed the remaining hole (too big). So, I have a sheet of some kind of mesh that they attached to the gap. How they were able to move all of these materials into and out of me with only the tiny holes remaining is pretty incredible. Kinda like moving a king-size bed through a car window.
Here...look.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

No MJ, just me

We had just arrived at the United Center and found Section 122, Row 5. I couldn't help but think that 10 years ago, I could've sold a kidney and not gotten these great seats. Of course, back then, Michael Jordan was shaking powder off his hands right there at the scorer's desk Ahhh, those were the days!



A few months back, I went to a charity event and bid on a few silent auction items. I love to check out the options and scribble my name and a nominal bid, just to get things started. One item really caught my eye. It was titled 'Sports Lover's Dream' and it included (get ready for this), tickets to the Cubs (baseball), Sox (baseball, I guess), Blackhawks (ice hockey), Wolves (more ice hockey) and Bulls (basketball).

How many women do you know that would drool over a silent auction item like this? Seriously, stop and think about it...I'll wait.

Okay, you know at least ONE! (or, in this case, three)



The Bulls were able to make free throws. It was the shots from the floor (while moving) that gave them a bit of trouble.



I think it's very cool to see how high these guys can jump. Where's he when I need something off the top shelf?


This the greatest toy I think I've EVER seen! And he lives in the rafters of the United Center.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

A first time for everything

Turns out, I'm going to be having surgery. Just as an aside, if anyone reading this knows my family, please do NOT tell them. I'll explain why in a few minutes.

First off, it's not major. In fact, it's out-patient (but I don't think the hospital will let ever-independent me take a taxi home, so I'll have to work on that). It's 'a girl thing' and I'll just leave it at that. NO! I'm not pregnant! You have to have sex for that, if I recall the details of Health Class correctly. Trouble is, there's a two-week recovery time.

Oh, did I mention that this will be my FIRST EVER surgery?? Yep, I've survived life on this planet without so much as an appendix scar. No broken bones, no sprained ankles. The worst 'injury' I've ever had is chicken pox. I figured God was saving up all of my aches and pains and then when I turned 50, I'd get hit by a truck!

Anyway, the organized side of me is trying to make sure my job responsibilities are covered. How f'd up is that? Anyway, the woman that filled in for me during my Australia trip said she'll be available. Probably. Since I haven't scheduled this yet, she's not positive.

My regular doctor told me about the recovery time, but I haven't spoken to the surgeon yet. (Geez! How grown-up this all sounds!) I have a few things to ask him since I'm new to this whole 'operation' thing.

Anyhow, one of our new colleagues has offered to pick me up from the hospital and tuck me in at home and even check up on me. She's only been at the company a few weeks, but we've really hit it off, even going to the Bulls game together the other night. And since she's in my age group, single, a Cubs fan and lives about a mile from me, this could be (borrowing from Bogie), 'the beginning of a beautiful friendship.'

So the ride home is covered (and I can take a taxi to the hospital, no worries there).

The Tour Guide suggested I ask my gay neighbors to keep an eye on me while I'm recuperating and I think that's a fab idea. I'll grab a bottle of wine and stop over in the next few days to see if they'll be around.

Even my Mexican friends who work at the neighborhood breakfast joint have offered to go grocery shopping for me while I'm down. How great are these people?

Why am I not letting my mother take over the mom-ing part and just stay at her house for the entire recuperating time? I could be waited on hand-and-foot for two whole weeks! This is the kind of thing my mother LIVES for!

Well, she's been in Florida since pre-Christmas caring for her terminally ill sister (her only sister). Do I really want her to have to choose between her dying younger sister and her temporarily-incapacitated youngest daughter?

Nope.

Because my Mom might just choose incorrectly and fly home to care for me. And if (while watching me sleep on her sofa) her sister dies, how is she going to feel for not being there to say goodbye?

Getting the picture?

The second choice would naturally be one of my sisters who happens to be a nurse. Yep, she'd be the perfect advocate, talking medical stuff with my surgeon and making sure I'm propery drugged up. Couldn't ask for a more perfect sibling in this situation.

Except that she would rat me out to my mother the first chance she got. Why? Because she's like that.

I've already got books, magazines, cable TV, the internet and new Google phone to keep me busy, but I'll let you know when the big day is. Stay tuned.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

The thighs they are a-burnin'

So I move a little more gingerly lately, what's the big deal? And if I use my hands to steady myself as I sit down, so what? Occasionally I might groan when crouching to pick up something. No big deal.
I've started on '30 Day Shred,' the evil, mean-spirited, torture DVD put out by Jillian Michaels, one of the trainers on 'The Biggest Loser.'
I'm not fat by any measure, but I'm bigger than I want to be and that's enough for me.
In all honesty, Level 1 was a TINY bit easier on this second workout. I thought I would pass out the first time I did it, but tonight's efforts didn't make me want to fling the DVD out my window. I actually appreciated Michaels' comments of encouragement (although they were mostly drowned out by my own internal commentary that consisted of stuff like, 'quit bitching and just do it, you cow!')
There are a total of nine of us women at my office doing this workout routine (or maybe just me, most of the others have been on vacation for Christmas and New Years.) If everyone else is walking around like the Tin Man without his oil, then I'll know we're on the right track.
As for the DVD, it's broken down into three levels. You advance whenever you feel ready (which I guess means when you don't feel like puking after the workout). The first level is divided into three parts: 3 minutes strength training, 2 minutes of cardio and 1 minute of abs. Doesn't sound like much, does it?
Having a small clock on my computer screen alongside the exercise demonstrations is quite helpful. The entire workout is 20 minutes (three times the three-part routine plus 2 minutes of warm-up and cool down). There is NO, I repeat, NO stopping during the workout.
A few things I've learned about myself and exercise:
  • I can't drink water before I exercise or I want to throw up during jumping jacks
  • I need to use the toilet before I start or else....
  • I'm not hungry when I finish the workout. Thirsty? Yes, but not hungry. Weird.
  • A four-year-old photo of myself in a bikini posted on my refrigerator is a wonderful motivator.
  • Writing my level of workout and time exercised on a calendar posted on my wall is showing my level of dedication. To no one but me, but I'm just saying..
  • Leaving my hand weights and workout mat in the middle of my living room floor is a not-so-subtle reminder to myself of my obligation.
Once I can walk without impersonating an arthritic senior citizen, I will attempt to do these workouts on a daily basis, rather than every other day. I'll keep you posted.