Chicago, the way it should be...and the way it is

The day before Easter, I was breezing through my not-so-local Dominick's grocery store (my local one burned down, no kidding!). As is custom at my family's house, I had been asked to make "the cheese ball" (recipe to follow) and I was scrounging up the few ingredients.

Two bricks of cream cheese? Check.

One bunch of scallions? Check.

Small package of thin sliced corned beef? Um, well, no.

There's a particular brand of corned beef that I've always used and Dominick's was out of it. Strangely enough, they were out of the house brand, too, and any other brand. They had ham, turkey and beef, but no corned beef. It was like everyone on the North Side of Chicago was making the same cheese ball.

Off I went to the deli to see if they had any more in the back. On the way, I ran into the manager and explained my situation. He strolled into the deli and spoke to an older man in a long white butcher's apron.

The butcher came out, walked past me without a word and went directly to the refrigerator that was missing the corned beef. He grabbed a huge, one-pound package of said corned beef and asked me, "How much do you need?"

"About two-and-one-half ounces, please," I answered as he passed me and disappeared behind the counter.

A minute later, he handed me a small, shrink-wrapped styrofoam plate containing about eight slices of corned beef. On the wrapper, he wrote, "N.C. Todd."

No charge!

Last night, Cub Man delivered most of the pieces to the modular storage unit that he built for my new master bedroom. The scheduling of the delivery was somewhat problematic because my Gestapo-ruled condo association does not allow for evening deliveries. So I did what I usually do when rules get in my way.

I ignore them.

Cub Man, his friend, me, Firecracker and FC2 all loaded the pieces from two cars into the back door lobby of my building and then into the elevator. We were about half done when a security guard appeared in the doorway, shaking his head.

"He saw you," said the guard, one of several security people with whom I have a good relationship. I looked up and noticed the camera hanging from the ceiling facing the back door.

Busted.

The security manager at the front desk was new, someone I had yet to charm into looking the other way. If he wrote me up, I'd be fined by the condo association board. Minimum $50, I think.

Cub Man and his friend moved their cars around to the front entrance (to avoid being towed). I had to go the front desk to let them in and face the security manager. He read me the riot act (nicely, though) about moving furniture after hours and wasn't too pleased when Cub Man's friend asked if we could borrow the luggage cart by the door.

"Yeah, okay," he said somewhat hesitantly. "So far, I haven't seen anything."

I smiled.

We finished unloading the unit and when we returned the luggage cart, I brought along some Easter candies and a can of soda...with a$20 bill wrapped around it.

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Oops, almost forgot.

The famous Cheese Ball

2 bricks cream cheese (left out to soften)
1 medium-sized bunch of scallions (chopped with a bit of green, too)
2.5 ounces thin-sliced corned beef (chopped)
1 tspn. garlic salt (more or less to taste)

Mix all in large bowl and shape into ball (use a fork or spoon, for God's sake!) Refrigerate for a few hours. Serve with crackers or toasted bread pieces.